This blog is an extension of the ideas presented in my book (Haiku Notebook Second Edition, smashwords.com, 2010). It is intended to be a forum for discussing haiku and haibun. My hope as an educator is to stimulate interest in writing these forms. So, please feel free to post. [NOTE: click "comments" to read poems by other poets, as well as discussion]. Thank you for visiting!
Over 75 thousand Zazzle Fine Art Photography Products!
DrBillCreations⬅︎ Check out over 75 thousand of my photography products at my Zazzle store!Writing haiku is like capturing a moment in time. Capturing life in photographs has a family resemblance. Please check out my photography sites!
I would like to commend you for this poem's evocative and succinct sensory detail. I love the association between a day's conclusion and the accumulation of a worker's sweat. I think the success primarily lies in the use of the word "wring," which sits in the center of the poem. Visually, I feel the word carries an aged connotation with the varied sharp and smooth bumps of its letters (particularly "w" and "g") that lends a nostalgic tone to the work. Aurally, the word is also effective. The association with the word's homophone ("ring") gives the image a reverberative quality as if the squeezing/cleansing of the neckerchief is the signal/ritual for the end of a hard day's work.
The beauty of the piece exists because of its simplistic form and musicality of voice. I noticed the prevalence of the soft "d," "a," and "e" sounds in the former half the work. The word "wring" acts as a fulcrum dividing the two distinct uses of assonance and consonance. As opposed to the softness of the first four words, the latter words use sharp consonants and vowel sounds (short "i," "k," "f," etc.) highlighting a contrast between your images. On the one hand, the gardener's work has produced soft, beautiful things, but on the other hand, it has produced sweat.
thank you, Sam. this is one of the most thorough, thoughtful comments i have received on any poem on my blog. i truly appreciate you taking the time and i am delighted my poem resonated with you.
2 comments:
I would like to commend you for this poem's evocative and succinct sensory detail. I love the association between a day's conclusion and the accumulation of a worker's sweat. I think the success primarily lies in the use of the word "wring," which sits in the center of the poem. Visually, I feel the word carries an aged connotation with the varied sharp and smooth bumps of its letters (particularly "w" and "g") that lends a nostalgic tone to the work. Aurally, the word is also effective. The association with the word's homophone ("ring") gives the image a reverberative quality as if the squeezing/cleansing of the neckerchief is the signal/ritual for the end of a hard day's work.
The beauty of the piece exists because of its simplistic form and musicality of voice. I noticed the prevalence of the soft "d," "a," and "e" sounds in the former half the work. The word "wring" acts as a fulcrum dividing the two distinct uses of assonance and consonance. As opposed to the softness of the first four words, the latter words use sharp consonants and vowel sounds (short "i," "k," "f," etc.) highlighting a contrast between your images. On the one hand, the gardener's work has produced soft, beautiful things, but on the other hand, it has produced sweat.
When I read this piece I feel vast release.
thank you, Sam. this is one of the most thorough, thoughtful comments i have received on any poem on my blog. i truly appreciate you taking the time and i am delighted my poem resonated with you.
best wishes,
bill
Post a Comment